Try to think of a time when something you believed changed drastically. It does not have to be a crisis of faith, per se. It could be something simple. What was it like going from one way of thinking to the next?
--OR--
One of the stories that Gladwell discusses in The Tipping Point is related to crime in New York City. What do you think causes crime?
Mine is a little silly, but it's the first thing that popped into my head.
ReplyDeleteLet me preface it with this--I am an only child, I had no cousins who were older/my age who lived close enough to influence me, and when they were around I'm sure they were told not to say anything.
I believed in Santa and the Tooth Fairy until I was 12. Like full on believed with every fiber of my being. If people made fun of me for it, I don't remember, and I know I wouldn't have cared because I was going to get presents from Santa and they weren't.
The Tooth Fairy brought about the downfall of Santa. When I finally lost one of my last baby teeth, I decided to just put it under my pillow without telling my mom. I think I must have been starting to doubt how real the Tooth Fairy was (I think it had to do with how we all got different amounts of money for our teeth). So of course I wake up the next morning to no money. I remember crying in the living room and my mom coming in and asking what was wrong. So I tell her the Tooth Fairy didn't come so she then proceeds to crush my poor little 12 year old heart with the truth: the Tooth Fairy isn't real, and oh, by the way, neither is Santa. I was absolutely CRUSHED. I lost it. It was seriously one of the more depressing moments in my life. To have believed in something so completely only to find out that it wasn't real sort of shattered my belief in everything else. If I really think about it, I think I've had some trust issues since then!
lol that's such a good story. I would of never thought about the psychological issues that can come with that. But your right. That's crazy. Love it. Glad you came out ok though. Got to school :)
DeleteOmg, this is funny but amazing. I love how you describe your emotion of being CRUSHED. Classic! This is great, and I think I was very young by the age of five when I figured all of it out on my own. But I remember one time when I put my tooth under my pillow, I couldn't sleep and my dad had let out little puppy in the house, next thing I know he barges into the room and ends up swallowing my tooth. It was pretty funny, but I remember I was upset.
DeleteThis truly is awesome! See, my situation is the exact opposite with Santa. I was so clever when I was a little girl, so nosy all the time, that I noticed at the age of 6 something very odd about "Santa." It was almost time for Christmas and I had looked under the Christmas tree and noticed a present for me. This was a few weeks before Christmas, so when I noticed my present said to Lorinda from Santa, I was quickly confused. I asked my mom, 'How did Santa bring me presents already if it's not Christmas Eve yet?" Of course, she explained how Santa has so many houses to go to so he had come to ours early. I did not believe her for a second, and it was at that moment I knew Santa was not real. I am very glad you finally were told he was not real though, because eventually your heart would have got crushed, but, the earlier, the better, I think.
Deletehaha, that is the cutest thing ever. I believed for a long time, and it was funny hearing that it wasn't real. But my mom did try her hardest having the Santa Tracker, online and showing where he was so we would get to bed. I do love the idea though.
DeleteI love this story! I love your innocence. I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and always knew neither existed. I am surprised I have any imagination whatsoever, to tell you the truth. Reading your story actually makes me jealous of your childhood.
DeleteAngel- It legit was the end of my world. I was so sad :(
DeleteLorinda- I almost caught on once! My grandparents don't live here so my grama would write the tags from "Santa" and I remember one year pointing out that Santa wrote a lot like my grama. She said the elves must have had the same dumb teacher as her!
Breanna- I was always threatened with no presents from Santa if I didn't go to bed, so I just went straight to bed after leaving cookies and milk!
Melissa-You can live vicariously through me then ;)
You know you're in for a surprise when there's no money under your pillow, haha.
DeleteI'm sorry that they had to break it to you like that.
I would have like to hope that they've given you some money for such emotional distress.
That is so sad! I don't remember when I knew that all of those characters were not real. I do remember kids at school teasing other kids who believed in them.
DeleteI can empathize with you, being a mother and grandmother and carrying on those traditions was and is problematic. We learn from our trauma. Do we change our traditions or do we continue them? Mostly I believe we carry on with what we are familiar with and the children experience the same heart ache we did.
DeleteI enjoyed reading your story.. As children we tend to believe everything we are told but once we get older we realize somethings are just not true. I still try to make my cousins believe that santa is real. Every time for Christmas we make them write a letter to santa, we always try to get them one thing they asked for in their letter and when we wrap up their presents we put in another letter telling them how "santa" read their letter and he hopes they like what he got them and to make sure they behave so that they can keep getting what they ask for.
DeleteGreat story! Thanks for sharing, Jeannie. I will try to remember this the next time my girl asks about Santa. It might be better in the long run to just tell her at a younger age than for her to feel like I lied to her.
DeleteHa ha.
DeleteVery nice.
Mine was very similar. Check out my post.
It has to do with Santa
- Felix
Jeannie, this is great writing, funny and insightful!
ReplyDeleteAnd I expect many of the responses to be, as you say here, "a little silly.
Great start!
My crisis was when God took over my life. I had no idea that all of this was going to happen to me. One day I was a person who thought, spoke, acted, did things however and with morals. I was a respected person and had all I could ask for and even the best boyfriend anyone could have. I didn't realize that that wasn't true happiness. I thought I was fine I didn't need anything and I was having fun. I would party every weekend with my brother that I love so much. all I ever wanted was to be with him and my cousins. There was unity in my family and we grew up so close that we even made friends as a group. I just really didn't think there was something better, I thought and felt and knew that that was real. The only part I wondered was when I went somewhere different. For example, when we would go to Six Flags we had fun, got on rides, talked about a million things, dressed to imipress, got attention, well lived it. Then I would come home and still feeling like im on one of the rides, I would lay feeling and thinking that it never did happen. Like ok, I was there, now its past. When I met Christ(by that I mean I was completely touched by something when the people at church were praying for me. now I know its the holy Spirit.) my mind was literaly replaced. Like I cant believe what happens. like its so unexplainable how a human can be replaced with themselves. My mother always told us how much she wished everyone would be as happy as she was. Now I understood her. I don't even call it mentality that was changed, I just say that it was replaced. The old me died on that cross and the new me lives. Now driven by this new brain of mine I dress differently, act differently, listen to different music, I serve at the church for some odd reason I would of never thought of(the old me hated church!), I have a huge desire to go out an preach the word of God, to change mentalities and to lead others to that encounter. I don't do it so they can be happy, I really do it because I just cant stop. The frosting on the cake is getting more people on the boat ride to heaven. Eternal Life!
ReplyDeleteJackie I enjoyed this read very much! It is so amazing that you have changed your life so drastically with finding God! It breaks my heart when people tell me "they don't believe God is real." When people tell me they don't know how they are going to get through something, I wish they could understand that God can get you through anything, and that they need to look to their savior for the answers. So many times when I have given friends advice and letting them know God will never put you through anything you cannot handle, they never understand what I mean. It's a beautiful thing to read your story, because I know you understand what I mean now that you have found God. I am so happy for you!
DeleteBuilding new life experiences and realizing the change for the better serves others. The enthusiasm you have is infectious and helps 'sell' the message you are passing on to others.
DeleteTo be honest, this one is pretty tough for me to remember a time in my life where I believed in something and has drastically changed the way I thought. The reason I say this is because as I was a kid all I can remember is being influenced by music and fashion. Which still drives me. This may sound crazy, but sometimes I feel I am wasting my time with school.
ReplyDeleteI truly cannot say that when I found out about Santa, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny not being real changed anything because I always surround myself with people older than me. So I believe it is why I rather hangout with people who are much older than me, than who are my age. I have a few friends around my age, but overall I rather hangout with an older crowd. Which I find funny because I have a few older friends who I hangout with every so often and they consistently tell me often how they wish they knew what I knew at my age, and how I understand the way things work out at such a young age.
I am not to sure if this takes into account, but it is probably why I've been told that I was going to make something of myself when I was a kid. As crazy as that sounds it is still hard for me to believe because till this day, I am still being told that I will be known and make something of myself. So this is probably what I believe, ever since I moved here and entering high school I was told to model, but I never took it serious. Then I was told that I would have my own T.V show one day or become a host of some television show. Who knows what the future has in store for me, but as weird as this may seem the dreams I do remember are of me being famous and helping those in need. Then I've been told to become a flight attendant from a former flight attendant. A lady who has came into my work and just randomly told me to apply because of my "looks" which really irritated me because I bring a lot more to the table than that. It sounds vain to bring up "my looks" but I am far from it. And another lady who told me I am to smart to be working at a shoe store. In addition, I have also been offered other things, which I rather not say.
I believe with this entire happening really made me think of life from a different perspective. In addition, I was able to grow up older in a sense where I understand a lot of more concepts.
So I enjoyed this topic very much because I could relate my personal life to it. Mine is kind of silly as well as others, but also a good experience that taught me so much. When I was a little girl I love Disney movies more than anything in the entire world. One of my favorite movies of all time, and is still one of my favorite movies, is Cinderella. I can remember as a little girl watching Cinderella multiple times a week, if not sometimes a day. As a little girl you do not understand the concept of things, and you believe in almost everything, especially the beautiful princesses on the movies you love to watch so much, along with the love fairy tales that go along with them. Cinderella was such a beautiful princess who I thought was so brave for keeping her faith and never giving up hope that she would escape her evil step family. I truly believed that when I grew up I would find a prince of my own, get married, and be happily ever after. I believed I would never have a "bad relationship," but, instead just one amazing prince would fall into my lap. Boy was I so wrong! As an adult, I have been to hell and back through so many relationships where either the guy has cheated on me, not appreciated me, or just did not work out. There was absolutely no fairy tale for a very long time during my dating life. My fairy tale did not come until just recently this time last year. I grew up thinking so differently, that, when I went through all this hurt with these awful relationships, it crushed my heart and made me believe I would be single forever, and alone. Even though it crushed my heart, and partly confused me, I am happy I understand that love is not a fairy tale, but something you must work at.
ReplyDeleteThose Disney movies, always set up young girls for the worst. :] It is funny watching movies my parents allowed me to watch as a young child and thinking why in the world would you let me watch that!
DeleteI agree that those Disney movies can set a child up for thinking that life is always beautiful and has a happy ending. In reality, choices are made by a person that has to live with those decisions. I watched a movie called "What in the Bleep do we Know?" and it's very interesting how relationships are examined. According to the movie, a person is drawn to a certain type of relationship by chemical receptors. There is a little about Quantum physics and propaganda, but the idea is very interesting still.
DeleteFirst off I love Disneyland. I don't know if I care for the messages behind a fairytale and everything is going to be perfect and happen on its own, but I like what you said about realizing that love is not a fairytale and you have to work at it, both do. I used to get so frustrated when my wife and I first started dating like 11 years ago. She would compare things to these fairytale's, and it would just annoy me. Like the romance movies where things are supposed to be nice and easy and romantic. I don't know of any relationship that is nice and easy, if so I would like to know the secret. I know it sucks dating, going through the bad relationships, but eventually you will end up with the right one. May not be perfect, but it's the imperfections I feel that can make relationships stronger, if both can work with each other. Loved your comment about disney fairy tale relationships! :)
DeleteCinderella was also my favorite along with many other Disney Movies. I agree with you that the relationships in these stories are unrealistic. They make younger girls think that good relationships just happen. I also learned that relationships are not like that. I do believe that relationship can be like a fairy tale, but they won't just fall in you lap, you have to work hard for them.
DeleteNot many responses yet but we already have such variety! Great job, everyone!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a young child, I am not aware of who told me this, but I believed that bacon come from horses. I absolutely loved horses and I felt so bad for them. I would go to any stable I saw and pet them telling them sorry they were going to be eaten. Then come to learn bacon comes from pigs.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure where I got this idea or what crazy person would tell a child this lie. But afterwards I never felt bad for the pigs like I did the horses, although I did feel dumb. I could not believe I truly believed this outrageous lie for such a long time. I now obviously laugh, but it was weird after, knowing it was not true.
I think as children we always have such big imaginations and anything we may hear or see on tv becomes something more than it may be. I always had a huge imagination and I would hear something and turn it into something outrageous in my mind that after a while I would wonder to myself if that was really the truth..I had already taken it to a whole new level. haha, I think its too funny because I see that happen over and over in kids and it just reminds me of the good old days when we were that age.
DeleteI used to teach in Los Angeles. Not a single person in one high school class could tell me where hamburger came from. So bacon from horses is not so bad...but it is funny!
DeleteThat was pretty fun. First time I heard that, but we do believe a lot of what we hear when we are children. I have 2 younger sisters. At the time it was just myself and my sister Emily. We are 5 years apart, and she is white as can be, with blue eyes, and sandy blonde hair. I am light brown, brown hair, and brown eyes. So, I used to tell her that she was adopted and that is why she doesn't look like me, my mom and my dad and they didn't want her. For the longest time, she used to think she was adopted, I mean years of her thinking this. I liked your story, and brought some child hood memories. Thanks!
DeleteHa ha!
DeleteI guess imagination could create misconceptions.
Do you ever joke with any younger children about this?
I think you should, ha ha.
- Felix
The first time I thought about not eating meat was when I worked at McDonald's. I was also reading Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" at the time. I hadn't thought about it much before, but when I was working in the grill area one day, it suddenly hit me. The amount of cooked chicken and beef that we were ordered to throw away (because it became too cold and couldn't be served to customers) was absolutely ridiculous. I remember dumping trays and trays of 60 or so patties into the garbage. That amount or more would be thrown away each day, and it made me think of how many animals have been slaughtered for food that we just end up trashing half of, anyway. It might be different if normal consumers had any part in the process at all, but since the majority of us don't personally take part in the assembly line in a butchering warehouse, we don't think too much about how the animals we eat actually get to the table.
ReplyDeleteI'm not trying to convert anyone to vegetarianism or advocate for the cause or anything like that. My conscience just can't rest peacefully knowing and imagining how many animals we in America methodically breed, raise, and slaughter to just throw in the trash.
When I decided to stop eating meat, I faced a lot of opposition. A good handful of people told me that I wouldn't last long as a vegetarian, and another handful told me that I was being hypocritical by still taking a paycheck from McDonald’s. In response to that, I quit the fast food gig and now work at a veterinary hospital, still going strong as a vegetarian (that eats fish) for the fourth year now.
"The Jungle" also made me become a vegetarian, but unlike you I did not last very long. I think it is strange that people would be upset with your decision to become a vegetarian unless you tried convert others.
DeleteI think it's strange as well. What you decide to do in your personal life is no one else's business, unless it's harming them (and being a vegetarian doesn't). I find the amount of food that goes to waste in our society is just ridiculous. I worked at Starbucks and we used to have to throw out all of our breakfast sandwhiches that didn't get eaten. We did, however, donate our pastries to a homeless or men's shelter, so that made me feel a little better.
DeleteAlexa,
Deletemy daughter is a fish eating vegetarian...she calls herself a pescatarian..funny term, but it does make sense.
And the Jungle is a great book!
Luis: I think the responses from others were weird because they were all basically McDonald's employees who ate meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was going against their norm.
DeleteJeannie: I wish more businesses donated food instead of throwing it away! It would be so much less wasteful that way! I know Gleaners takes old-ish breads and pastries from local grocery stores. I'm glad to know Starbucks donates, also.
Dr. Schmoll: I used to say I was a pescatarian, but I stopped because of the large quantity of dumbfounded looks I would get from people. If anyone ever asks, I just say I'm a vegetarian and then expand if they want to know more.
My mother had us(me and two sisters) all on a strict Vegan diet. I remember eating a lot of Loma Linda processed foods though. I now realize there are people that understand you must supplement your diet if cutting out certain areas. Some people claim to be a vegetarian only to eat cheese sandwiches and ice cream. My sister has a lot of allergies and recently cut out eggs in her diet. She has had a huge improvement on her health.
DeleteWhen I was young, I remember going to a magic show that the school had prepared for us. I was super excited because I had never before seen magic! Through the entire show I was amazed at everything the magicians did. I still remember the magicians making two silver balls float in the air, disappearing a white bunny, and throwing glitter from a big black hat. While the show was going on, everyone kept on saying that magic was not real, and that everything was just a trick. I didn't want to believe them because I honestly felt that everything was real. That it was magic!
ReplyDeleteA few weeks later the teacher showed the whole class a show about how magic was just illusions and tricks that trick the mind. I remember feeling so disappointed to know the truth behind magic. I even felt a little mad at the teacher for showing us that show. After a while though, I started to understand that magic was not real, and I was actually interested in illusions. However, till this day I like to think that magic can be real even though I know the truth.
Awww! I have a tiny ounce of my childhood still left in me that wishes magic was real, also. I remember those school shows, but I also remember that there were magic books available for sale after the performance that kids could buy. Those books kind of crushed my beliefs in magic before they really manifested into something concrete. I would see all of my schoolmates looking at the diagrams in the books and mimicking the tricks themselves.
DeleteAs a child I would always wondered if magic was real, when i attended magic shows i always made sure to pay close attention on the tricks and until now I also make my self believe that magic is real.
DeleteEven as adult now, I still want to believe that magic somewhere exist. Its funny that things are called magic until they are explained. The magic you saw, after it was explained, become illusions. I think everything science could not explain was called magic a one point, until someone discovered how it worked.
DeleteWhen I was thirteen years old my best friend and I decided to read the Jungle by Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle." My friend was not able to stomach reading the book and quickly abandoned it. I was fascinated by the story and continued to read it. After reading the book I convinced myself to become a vegetarian. I did not want to be a vegetarian alone so I talked my sister out of eating as well. Determined not eat meat we made our mom go to the grocery store to buy several different types of fruits and vegetables. For the following month my sister and I ate no meat at all. We were both very committed to being vegetarians. Both of our parents we supportive of our decision but they did not stop eating meat. One day while I was out running errands with my mom she decided to stop at Carl's Jr. I had not had breakfast that morning and the aroma of the burgers were very appetizing, I tried to resist but I broke down and had a bacon cheese burger. While I was eating the burger it was pretty great. Soon after finishing the burger I felt absolutely terrible. I regretted eating that burger for the rest of day. When my sister first heard that I had given up being a vegetarian she was upset, although soon after she gave up being a vegetarian as well. Since then I have continued to eat meat. This is the only time I could think of where I decided to change a major aspect of my life.
ReplyDeleteWow that does seem like it was a very big commitment for a youngster. Those darn cheeseburgers are notorious for drawing you in though. haha..Have you thought about giving the vegetarian thing a second chance since then?
DeleteThat book was so annoying. But at times it was a good read, sometimes a bit confusing. One of my friends wanted to become vegetarian after the book, but she never fell through. How was it being a Vegetarian?? I do not think I could do it myself. I love food.
DeleteI live in a family of five, my mom and dad, myself, and two brothers. Both of my brothers had different last names than me and my parents, but growing up I never really thought too much about it. Me and my middle brother Colton are only 2 years apart so throughout elementary school we were always asked why our last names were different (Andrews and Duran) and whenever we asked our mom, she had told us it was her maiden name and she just had him and my oldest brother before she married my dad. It is funny to think about that now because I guess now that I am older I think about it and wonder why I never asked anything further than that because it doesn't make too much since because she still said my dad was their dad and I just accepted it. One day our family went to a counselor to unveil the big mysterious secret. I think I was only in fourth grade or so and we went in and as we were all sitting in a circle, I had asked why we had different last names. My mom came out, crying, explaining that me, Colton, and the oldest Anthony, have different dads and that is why they have her maiden name instead of my dad's last name. I immediately started crying, I was so confused, lost, and just everything I ever knew was broken down before me. I was crying more than Colton and I was so confused. I remember saying, "I don't feel like we are brother and sister anymore" and I just felt alone and I didn't know what to think or say or do. I wondered why my parents lied to me all along and I wondered if we really were brother and sister. I didn't understand. The minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years went on and we moved on. We are still Mom, Dad, brothers and sister. Changing my way of thinking was not difficult because with time, and support and encouragement and love, I found that we are still family, despite the name. I grew to understand the name never mattered after all. Now that I am older and can reflect that difficult moment, I am grateful that my parents had the courage to tell us the truth and I would never resent them for that. I appreciate all that my dad has done to support two more kids that are not his, I appreciate their honesty and love they continue to support me and my brothers with today. I know that was a difficult subject to break to a child, but I appreciate it. The change in my way of thinking about family with half or step brothers, is that it all doesn't matter. Family is family and I love everyone the same and relate to them the same whether they are blood or not.
ReplyDeleteI love your story and mine is about family and growing up too! Your statement that family is family is great, and it's all about who was with you growing up and stayed with you.
DeleteThanks Sandi! I think that when I was younger, the definition of family was a lot more finite and simple. I am glad that after all that had happened, despite our ages too, we all remained close and it didn't distance us at all. I think I grew more sympathetic and really understood my friends who lived with their step-fathers or step-mothers and half relatives at that time as well, and even now. I think it is great that at that age I was challenged in my way of thinking about family and how it is defined in different house holds.
DeleteAs I was growing up I always thought my dads job was to work and bring home money and my mom was actually the one who showed us compassion and love. I never considered my dad to be caring, but at the same time it never bothered me or I never thought twice about it. I just figured that's just how it was. It was in 1990 when my little brother was born. Before my brother was born it was my mom and my three sisters and I. The year my little brother was born was the year my dad changed. He began to show us his loving side. I never really thought about it until i was older and realized that he was a new person and now we had a real relationship with our dad. This change was a drastic change but a positive one in our life.
ReplyDeleteThat warms my heart that your father became active in your life before it was too late and chances were lost to spend with him. Sometimes men have difficult times showing emotion and those that love him feel the effects.
DeleteWow, Margarita, this one is touching!
DeleteThat is great to hear, I"m glad to hear that your father put in the effort to be in your lives. I do have to admit, that I have a better relationship with my mother who has been the caring and supportive one than my father. So I can completely understand where you are coming from. But I am glad to hear your father stepped up.
DeleteI can relate so much to this post!
DeleteI am not afraid to admit but my father was never intimate with us. When we accomplished something, his look would describe how proud of he was. His body language said so much. I even discovered patterns and I memorized when he's proud.
When my brother graduated college a few years ago--the first one of my family--my father shook his hand and nodded. Although my father did not cry with emotion or hug my brother, we all KNEW he was dying to hug him, but his pride would not allow it.
I refuse to be this way with my children.
My father is the best. I do wish, however, that he was more loving but I have learned to accept his demeanor. I love him.
Well, this is one thing that comes to my mind and is something that was very sensitive to me until recently.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a single parent family of four; two brothers and myself with me being the oldest. My mother divorced my father when I was only 3 years old, so I do not remember much of him, just certain parts here and there. Unfortunately, nothing good is in my memory.
We moved here from Texas after the divorce from my dad. When I started school and began making friends they would talk about a dad. A dad was a foreign word to me and I didn't know that it was a "normal" thing to have a father in the home. To me that was strange, and it still has a bit of odd feeling to me to this day. Today when people talk about when their dad took them fishing or bought them their first car, my first thought is my mom did all of that she was it for everything. What is a dad? Well, I do realize now that having a mom and dad both is the nuclear family and the ideal situation and being raised by a single parent is, well, almost the norm these days. It is hard on a young child to be around others who have both and you only had the one. And how it affected me growing up realizing I was different.
Sandi I really recognize this feeling and I feel for you. I know reading mine you would see we have a little bit of the opposite, but I know that my brothers, both having different dads, never had their own dad nor do they know who he is. I know that they do call my dad 'dad' and he practically raised them, but I still think about if they think about their biological dad and if they feel any loss from that? I am not trying to be insensitive, but when I read your post it made me think about the mind sets of my brothers. I just wonder if they look at my dad and think about who their dad is or what he looks like or sounds like, if they look like him or act like him in ways. It is really interesting to see how diverse families are in today's society, and how everyone has their hardships and struggles but despite who is there or missing we are there for each other regardless and make with it what we can to support and love one another. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story, giving me an insight and giving me the chance to share this with you, too.
DeleteI remember being very young about 6 or 7 and my parents went through a very nasty divorce. Everything in my life was perfect up until that point. Once they separated, my mom forced us to move to california. I was in a new place, a new school, a new home. Everything was different. I remember thinking I would never adjust to this new life we had. And now looking back at all of the different times i have to re-adjust to new realities and thinking shit i am never going to get through this, but I always seem to manage to. All of these drastic changes in my life have made me who i am today.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that you had to go through that at such a young age. On the flip side I am happy to hear that you can look back at it and realize "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
DeleteI am sorry to hear that it must have been tough, especially at that age and having to deal with your parents going through a divorce. It is a learning process, but you are stronger, smarter and view different situations from a different perspective.
DeleteI am really enjoying reading all your stories from when you were kids. I really envy you all. I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and never believed in holiday or fairytale characters, magic, toothfairies and anything else that is not directly related to the bible. So needless to say the shock of finding out that there was actually a world outside of what I was raised in existed was life changing.
ReplyDeleteI was about 19 years old and too old to now believe in childhood fables. In my heart I know my parents thought they were raising me in a way to hide me from the evils of the world but I felt duped from being duped. The religion I thought was so pure and true turned out to be a hoax for me. Now please understand I am not smashing this religion or any other. I am simply saying it was not for me and my beliefs drastically changed opening the flood doors to a whole new world of possibilities and hope. The shock was bittersweet. I did not grow up like an average kid. Yes, I was that kid that sat in the library during the holiday parties and the one that didn't pledge allegience to the flag and didn't pass out Valentine's Day cards. I missed out on so much.
It took a good 8 years to really process what I missed and shed my old beliefs. But like the old saying goes, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." As soon as I had children of my own I promised to make their childhood the best I could possible do. I had my first tooth fairy experience at the age of 31. I took my first picture with Santa at 32 and went Trick or Treating at 30. I hope my girls are asked the same question as Dr. Schmoll has asked us and I hope like most yours it reveals a wonderful, imaginative childhood.
Happy Halloween!
Your story made me tear up a bit, but I love that you've finally had these experiences that you were denied as a child. I like the fact that you can take that step back and understand that your parents tried to do that out of love, but I know you must still feel cheated. I bet your girls have had the best childhood because you know exactly what you would have wanted! Happy Halloween Melissa!
DeleteI can totally relate to your story because I had the same upbring as you but my aha moment came after I got married and lived a life of hell for 4 years until I divorced and left with my two children but like you my children have enjoyed all the holidays and have made their own decisions about their personal beliefs.
DeleteYour point of view is very much appreciated and rare. We hear of the devastation of learning there is no Santa Clause and tooth fairy and missing out on the childish pleasures. From reading you point of view it seams that perpetuating these myths is a good thing. Even though it does bring heart ache in some situations, the good that is brings is worth the pain.
DeleteThe moment I knew my life would not be the same is when my son was around 14, almost 15 and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Up until then he had been a relatively normal child. I say relatively because I don't believe that anyone is what you would call "NORMAL" we all have issues. It started going downhill fast He had some episodes and ended up in the hospital about 5 times before his medication regulated. I knew from that moment on that I would always have to take care of him and he would have episodes that would send him spiraling back from time to time. He is now 24 and so far this has been the roughest year with him but we keep moving forward. It is tough when you know that no matter what your child will never be able to move on with his life and his demons will sometimes take front seat of his life. He tries and he even has a part-time job and a girlfriend that has seen him at his worse and stays with him. But the fear that dwells inside of me that one day he might have children and they will inherit his disability is paralyzing. It is also difficult for me to make plans with my own life because my life revolves around him, even if he hates and resents me most of the time these days. I know that this was supposed to be a fun assignment and yet I could not think of anything funny that I could comment on how and when I knew my life had changed forever.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to your response. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 14 years old. I am now 24, like your son. I have dealt with paranoia and mood swings. I've dealt with hating my parents and then loving them for being there for me through my hardships. Mental health issues are difficult. Only when I got on the right medication did my life begin to feel normal. I still have my rough moments, but now I can see the bright side in things. My prayers are with you and your family.
DeleteI'm glad that your son has found a sort of stability in his life, Michelle. I don't think I've had what you would call a disability such as schizophrenia, but I can understand how other people would take to those afflicted with that, and the alienation that one may feel from it. It's always great to have someone that would still stick with you, even if they know you at your worst; the feeling that someone has your back is indispensable on planet Earth. I hope that he continues to progress on and be as strong as you.
DeleteMy mother suffers from Bipolar disorder as well. I take it day by day with her. I think a family support system is so important to help get through those days that are more difficult. Unfortunately, due to years of self medicating, my mother's health has deteriorated a lot recently.
DeleteMichelle, Lauren, and Nycole, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable to a community that you do not even know. Reading your guys' responses has really tugged at my heart. I do not know how tough it is from a personal experience, but I can relate to how tough it is from a familial perspective. My grandmother too suffered from schizophrenia and it hit all of the sudden (at least to my knowledge) just about five or six years ago. Of course I have heard of these types of things happening to people but it just wasn't real to me, and I don't say this to sound so insensitive, but I was still in high school, living a life that was "normal" and my family was in relatively good shape with only a few bumps and bruises like everyone else and then this with my grandmother sprung up out of nowhere. I think that it maybe sprung up out of nowhere for me because I did not see her much and you know, adults don't really want to tell the 'kids' anything, right? It was the summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college to where I had first seen one of her episodes which had changed my life, and I will never forget it. Everything I knew about the mind and 'normality' was just so bizarre now and I really didn't understand anything. Michelle I just wanted to say thanks for sharing and I understand how tough things may be, but I am thankful that your son is loved and cared for by you and those around him. Your family will be in my prayers and just know that although you had nothing 'funny' to say, I really appreciated this. Thank you.
DeleteThank you all for sharing your personal experiences with mental illness because I know the stigmatizism that is associated with it and how hard it is to put yourself out there, I know it is hard for me. As I tell my son I am proud of you all for not letting it define you and you being the one to define it and keeping up with your studies despite the obstacles.
DeleteHonestly, everyone, I had no idea this question would elicit such deep and thoughtful responses. There are some heart-felt entires here!
ReplyDeleteReligion was a huge change in my life. For 18 years I was brought up in a Catholic faith. For 18 years I never questioned my faith, and followed the practice of it. It did keep me out of trouble and many people thought of me as a good person. I even spent a year at a seminary, thinking that my calling in life was to become a priest. I felt I never had a chance to examine what it means to be a Catholic or believe in God. I was simply following what I had done from whenever I could remember. It's such a huge change going from believing in God, to not believing in any faith, that many people are shocked when they run into me and find this information out. I was well-known, especially while I was at the seminary. I was introduced to different bishops of different dioceses, met with some cardinals, and even was invited to go to Rome to spend some time at the Vatican and serve a mass with the Pope. I did not go, though. Eventually when I was in my senior year of high school I started questioning things. There were many events that happened to make me question my faith, but it would be a very long submission. I will just say I felt excommunicated after I left the seminary. Then when I went to college, I started learning of other things about faith. That is when the real soul searching began. I eventually came up with that I did not believe in God, nor the Catholic faith, or any other religion. If I cannot accept God into my life, and live my life full with passion toward the chosen faith, then what's the point. Maybe one day it may change, but I don't see that in the for seen future. It just annoys me of how many people who are faith based can try to push their beliefs onto me, and criticize me for not believing, yet I do not go out of my way to put anyone down for whatever they believe. To this day, people look at me as a disappointment for leaving the faith. These include previous educators, priests, and people that knew me very well when I was a child. At 29 years old, still I get the shocked look when they find out I have left all my beliefs behind.
ReplyDeleteReligion was a huge change in my life, also. I was around 18 when I decided I was an atheist. One of the major reasons for this was that I had dated a guy who was involved in a really strict Christian cult. After dating for a few months, he told me that if I did not convert to his specific religion, I was going to hell. That's when I got really angry and annoyed and dumped him. I'm really glad I met him, though, because I don't know how I would view things had I not. This experience opened my eyes and made me question everything as a skeptic and a cynic. After those initial responses came the whys and what-ifs. What if I had been born and raised in Iran? (I doubt I'd be Christian there...) Why does everyone have to believe in only one higher power (that happens to conflict with most other religions)? Why have so many wars been waged over religious disputes? Why are so many religions centered on a book written so long ago that no one alive today knows exactly who wrote it?
DeleteI just want to open the pushy religious people's eyes to my point of view in the exact way that they want to open my eyes to their point of view. We just have to agree to disagree, I suppose.
I think it's so important for a person to venture out and research what they really believe in at a certain point. There are some children who think they are into a certain religion or political party because that's all they've heard growing up in their house.
DeleteThanks for the replies and personal story. Alexa, that is pretty hardcore for someone to say that and put you in that spot. Sadly, it happens a lot, just never seems to be very outspoken of. I don't even know if there will ever be a time where everyone can just find on their own what they believe in, if anything, rather than having someone or something try to influence you that there way is the right way, and if you chose the wrong way then your damned and sometimes cut off from them or their social group. I've experienced it. One example about agree to disagree that brought a good flash back was when I was at the seminary, a Jehovah witness came onto the property, and I just stood from a close distance and saw the priest to tell them please get off the property. Afterwards I asked the priest why didn't you talk to them? He said, what for, there's no point of talking to them or other religions because they only believe and want to hear what they already believe. I said to myself, isn't that the same as you just did to them. I've just learned not to respond too much to the criticism for me not believing in certain faiths, even if its from friends and family, and just walk away. Feels better that way, to me personally. I also agree about the other response, about many beliving in what they believe because of that's the only way they have known from birth. I feel that's the biggest reason why I was a Catholic for 18-19 years. I didn't know what else was out there, and didn't ever question it. Wasn't allowed to question it. Always sheltered with private Catholic schools and a hardcore Catholic family. Thanks for the responses, it's a touchy subject for many.
DeleteI've been thinking for days now about a time in my life in which my beliefs changed drastically. I couldn't think of anything until my mom reminded me of my parents' divorce. My parents got divorced when I was ten years old. Up until that point, I believed in fairy tale love. I believed that my mom and dad were in it for the long run. I couldn't fathom the idea that people fell out of love, that divorce happened, and that people hired lawyers to try to win rights to see their children. I guess that is just the innocent naivety of children.
ReplyDeleteAt first the divorce didn't affect me. I was too young to conceptualize what was really going on. As I grew older, maybe around 17 or 18, I began to realize what had really happened. I began to understand that my two parents, who had been married for twenty five years, had lost their way. As a child I had built up a fantasy of what love was. When I got older, my own heartbreaks began to change that fantasy. It is a beautiful thing that as a child I was able to live in safety, without knowing any true hardships that adults face. The hardest part by far was coming to terms with the fact that my dad didn't treat my mom like a queen, the way I assumed he had been treating her for my entire life. I guess we just grow up and we realize people have flaws. No marriage is perfect like it was in my eyes as a child.
So, my most drastic change of belief would definitely have to be the time of my parents' divorce, going from being a sheltered child to becoming aware of real world problems.
There are many reasons that can drive one to commit criminal acts, but the first relatable thing that pops up into my head is a lack of order. Around the globe, there are many countries that are lacking in a stable government infrastructure. Since such a government is handicapped when it comes to maintaining order in their respective country, there is no effective legal blockade that can deter criminal behaviors, and this is made worse by possible corruption from within the government. While I can't exactly say that this is a cause, I do believe that it is a catalyst to the presence of crime. Another factor that I believe contributes to the presence of crime is a lack of resources; if there is something that is in short supply that is essential to the welfare of the public, then there is bound to be an increase in illegal activity conducted in order to acquire such goods. If there is anything that I can think of that can be considered a direct cause of criminal behavior, then I would like to say that it would be the influential actions of other people. There were quite a few people that I knew in my middle school and high school years that have fallen into bad crowds, and in doing so, they have let themselves into a world where they have to be mindful of where they walk, as well as of who walks behind them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you wholeheartedly, Michael. Chaos reigns in countries like that. I was a little short-sighted in my answers, I guess, because they only pertained to crime in the U.S.. Good post.
DeleteCorruption is a major component to criminal behaviors. In fact, I read an article last year where researchers interviewed five subjects regarding their criminal behavior. They all had mentioned similar responses, saying that their "connections" would "lower sentencing" and get them out of jail with no problem. The subjects of the study were from Mexico.
DeleteThe scary thing about crime is the fact that a lot occurs domestically--not just what is displayed on the news, and corruption is very widespread in the states, too.
Your post was great.
- Felix
A time in my life when in which my beliefs were changed drastically was the week before my high school graduation. My dad decided to leave, plain and simple. I felt that I had been doing everything right because I was graduating with the gold sash from CSF, and I had just received a scholarship that would completely pay for my college education. Then, from one day to the next, my dad was gone. His last words from that time were that he felt dead here. I vividly remember him just walking away slowly, and I was watching him sitting on the grass. It felt straight out from a movie except everything was real. I believed my family would stay together forever, and it drastically changed. Everything seemed to have fallen apart that following summer. Not only did my dad leave, but my mom “checked out” from life. So now both parents were “gone” and I was left to help my little brother and myself. I remember moments when my brother would just collapse on the ground and cry like a little child. My mom stopped responding to anything and I would help him up and take him to my room. This time in my life, I would say, was the worst time in my entire life. We later learned that my dad began doing a street drug that was introduced to him at work. The beginning of the following year, he returned seeking help. I find it so strange sometimes because as I am typing this, my mom and dad are in the kitchen making tamales. But for that moment, and it felt like forever, everything so suddenly came down, my life had changed, and I thought that as a family, we would never heal again.
ReplyDeleteWhen I wake up in the morning, I thank God for everything.
DeleteWhen I wake I feel blessed but this life we have can change instantly, as was the case with your family.
One day you are happy, and the next day can be extremely miserable.
I understand how you felt because I have experienced drastic changes first hand. It seems things are copacetic now and I hope everything gets better with you and your family.
Good luck with everything...
Best,
- Felix
When I was young, I once believed that GreyHound bus was actually owned by a grey hound dog. My grandmother would tell me stories about how this greyhound was able to talk. She also told me that the greyhound dog was the richest dog in the world. Whenever me and my sister would see a greyhound bus, we would always wonder about how a greyhound dog was able to be like that. I was really young and I still taught that whatever adults said was true. When I finally realize that this wasn’t true, It change my attitude about adults when they would tell stories. When I learned that not all things adults say was true, It made me ask myself about all the other times adults told me something. It really changed how I thought about people and the things they would say.
ReplyDeleteAlelie I really enjoyed your writing and can relate. Growing up, I had a couple cousins who were a lot older than me that would constantly tell me ridiculous, far fetched stories that I believed. I can still remember them telling me if I knock on the bottom of the bath tub, people in china would hear me and knock back, or that you could dig a hole in the side of this great big mountain near by and it would magically transport you to Disneyland.
DeleteI can relate to the believing of the tooth fairy, Santa Clause, and the magician. For this reason it is hard for me to take things at face value. I don't have a vivid memory of my childhood. My best recollection is doing the traditional stuff Easter egg hunt, tooth fairy to a certain age, Santa Clause. I had a big extended family: grandparents from many sides of the family, aunts, uncles, and many cousins. After my grandmother passed away we no longer got together for birthdays. We went out separate way. We had discussed this issue before she passed saying she was the glue that held our family together. It was true. While she was in the hospital family members came to visit. While she was in her last days and the medical decisions were being made emotions came into play. Each person deal with situations differently and the way a person justifies the death of another has a lasting effect. Emotions were at a high level and outbursts came into play. To this day our family has not recovered and that would break my grandmothers heart.
ReplyDeleteWow, this story went a totally different direction than I had started out. I had not clearly thought out what I was going to say, not having a clear idea before hand. I guess writing is cathartic!
When I was four years old my family and I were staying at my grandparents house because my mother was pregnant with my sister, at that time my grandmother wanted us to stay over until my sister was born. I was the only child, and at that time I didn’t know how babies were created and how they where born and all that stuff. I was not too happy to have another sibling because I was used to being the only spoiled child. I remember every time my aunts and uncles would go over to my grandmothers house they would tease me and would make me mad by telling me that my parents where not going to love me anymore. They would also say that my mom was gong to give birth to baby pigs, and they were going to be my brothers and sisters. I would always cry because I couldn’t image having baby pigs as my siblings. After my mother gave birth to my sister it was time for her to go home and it was going to be my first time meeting my sister but I wasn’t sure what to expect if it was going to be a baby pig or a real baby. As we went to the hospital to pick them up I was anxious to meet my baby sister I just wanted to make sure that it was a real baby and not a baby pig. As soon as I saw my sister everything changed she was a real baby all I wanted to do was hold her tight. Now that I am older my uncles still remind me about how they use to make me mad by telling me that I was going to have baby pigs as siblings.
ReplyDeleteMaria, this is pretty funny. Sounds like your family likes to tease quite a bit haha, a little torturous to tease you about your mom having baby pigs though, that is just weird! It is funny how gullible we are when we are young and the things that we believe when the ones we love tell us something, why wouldn't we believe them?
DeleteThis is a very personal story, however I would like to share it because without it I would not be the person I am today, and would not be proud of the person I am today. This was my big change.
DeleteFrom high school all the way to my second year at CSUB I hung out with a set group of individuals. Are common beliefs were to just have fun all day, all night, and every day. Our main priority one could say was to party. We drank excessively and smoked excessive amounts of marijuana. As I continued this life style I noticed my grades starting to plummet, I wanted to keep up with my school and follow in my family’s footsteps, since both my mother and father have four year college degrees. However my friends at the time, these individuals I was associating with would make fun of me when I would say I had to do homework, and peer pressure me into just partying since not one of them continued school after high school. So after two years of this and my grades dropping so much I was put on academic probation, I knew a big change was in order. But I did not know how this change would occur, I didn’t want to just stop hanging out with my friends, they were the only friends I had. So I continued to party and neglect my studies until my tipping point occurred. One night after drinking I decided I was ok to drive home, which turned out not to be the case as I was pulled over and arrested for drinking and driving. This was it, my tipping point, I had enough. After this happened my whole way of thinking changed, and knew I could not continue to associate with these individuals who were my so called friends. I realized they were not my friends at all and never looked out for my best interest, or the best interest of each other, all they cared about was girls, drinking, and smoking. So I quit cold turkey. I just stopped talking to them. It was very hard at first since I had no other friends, but in time I made new friends, real friends, and am back on track in school, as this is my last quarter and will be graduating after this month. I am very proud of how far I have come, because if I would have stood on that path there’s no knowing where I would be today or even if I’d still be alive, as three of the individuals I used to associate with all lost their lives due to drugs and alcohol.
I decided to answer both because my answers are related. When I was in my early twenties, I lived a little recklessly. That seems to be the way the world works. When we're young we, to an extent, consider ourselves immortal. Nothing can touch us. The world seemed, then, not such a bad place. The world was our playground, more or less. When I got pregnant with my daughter at 21 my views started to change. It was like the blinders were gradually removed and on the day of her birth it really hit me. The world is a terrible, dangerous, cruel place. I'm sure there were other things that assisted me in this journey to being jaded and disillusioned. Karigan's birth, though, was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I think the reason for this is because I was no longer responsible for just myself. All at once I had another person to care for, protect, and guide to becoming a good, responsible person and all the pitfalls and bad habits that I'd seen other people become mired in suddenly seemed more apparent. I think this was crucial in forming the person I am today and is also key to how I raise my daughter. I try to keep her safe in a world gone mad...at least that is how I see it. So....you might be wondering...how does this tie into crime? Well that is easy. I don't want my daughter to be a victim of crime and I also don't want her to be a perpetrator of crime. I think one of the major causes of crime is bad parenting or no parenting. Yes, that is a stereotypical cause, but it is also a factual one. Not all people with bad parents grow up to be criminals. I just think a little authoritarian parenting goes a long way. A few of the other reasons for crime that are 'leading causes', in my opinion, are greed and jealousy. This is especially true in America where the American Dream is no longer achievable for everyone and yet we still promote buying buying buying the next best thing. There is always a next best thing. Even when you think you have the next best thing, a newer, better next best thing is already on its way to the shelves. Well that is about the extent of my rant for the day.
ReplyDeleteWhitney,
DeleteVery touchy. I often ask my friends what it is like to be father and they all share one common response: you change.
Since you experienced "recklessness" at a young age, you are fully cognizant of the dangers that are out there. I like your ending statements about crime.
In case you have not came across it yet, read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It is an amazing read that relates to your post.
- Felix
When I was young, my father used to tell me stories about Santa. I vividly remember my mother starring at us with a smirk while my father explained the way Santa delivered gifts. I became fascinated by the stories and I asked so many questions (maybe this was their method of getting me to behave?). We have all experienced curiosity as children and we all know what it is like to imagine certain things; this was the case with me.
ReplyDeleteMy story will not end in cliché. I did not catch my father dressed like Santa meticulously placing gifts under the tree in the middle of the night.
A very long time ago we had a family gathering on Christmas Eve and since I am Mexican, we had a big turnout. One can already picture the setting—loud, everyone walking around, drunk uncles, etc. . .
Well, one of my uncles was speaking to my father and I kept asking my father questions about presents and Santa. It got to the point where I annoyed my uncle since I was interrupting him (big disrespect among my culture) and he said the following: oye, mocoso, aplacate. Que santa ni que la chingada. Apoco no te a dicho tu papa? (Hey, bugger face, calm down. Santa clause my ass. Your father hasn’t told you?).
I think I started crying I do not remember clearly, but the next day my father confessed and laughed.
For some reason I was not that hurt, I was just disappointed because I believed in him so much. . .
I wonder if I should tell my children that Santa exist or not—what do you guys think (I do not have kids yet).
I was 20 when my way of thinking completly changed. I had been with my boyfriend at the time for five years. He began feeling sick a few months before my 20th birthday. I would consistently tell him to go to the doctor but he wouldn't listen. Until one day he couldn't walk from the car into his house without panting heavily. He then decided to get checked. The doctor told him it could be a variety of things, such as low blood pressure or cancer. I remember thinking it's low blood pressure, it surely can't be cancer. Cancer happens to others, no way he has it. Two weeks later he was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. I felt my world had come crashing down. I didn't know what that cancer did to the body, but the name of it made me cringe and scared. He was transferred to UCLA for treatment, and was not able to leave his room for the next four months. He became depressed very quickly. I would visit him every weekend if possible, and I remember feeling absolutely helpless. He wouldn't talk to me, sometimes wouldn't even acknowledge me. That's when I realized it was real, he really had cancer. Cancer doesn't discriminate based on gender, race, age etc. He passed away early this year. It breaks my heart over and over every time I remember of what he went through and knowing he is no longer with us, but it makes me happy to know he is no longer in pain.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very sad story, Alexandria. It's hard to imagine that something so serious can happen to someone we know. But it's real. I admire your outlook in this life experience, though, your happiness that he is no longer in pain.
DeleteUntil recently, I believed that intelligent and talented people were born; however, as time went by and I progressed in college I came to realized that those who earn good grades and succeed dedicate time and effort to their studies. Yes, people who earn good marks are smart, but I learned, from one of my partners for one of my classes, that studying pays off and no one will master a concept by briefing looking over it once. Most of us are young college students. I as well as many of my classmates, would rather spend a weekend idling and not worry about studying; however, college doesn’t work that way and we must all make sacrifices to come out strong and thus have more choices available to us after we graduate. Time management is the best tool in achieving such goals. By developing this skill, one can dedicate a bit of time to everything and everyone. It takes a strong will power and a great sense of one’s goals, but most of all it takes passion. With this in mind, I know that everyone including myself has the ability to achieve anything we set our mind to. But I am also aware of my limitations. Yet, I also know my strengths. For this reason we are able to choose our major and practice any career that we wish, hopefully one that we are good at.
ReplyDelete